i have become a Cathy cartoon

went to the beach on saturday and felt pretty comfortable with myself and my bathing suit... then when i got home my friend had sent me some pictures she took on her phone in which i looked morbidly obese. at least in my perspective. then it dawned on me that i have become a living Cathy cartoon...

failure is fun

drinking a whiskey in one hand and a beer in the other at a sports bar the other day (hey- it's the closest bar to my work and we were tired), i noticed the boys of summer are once again swinging their bats and giving their all-american best to get to the playoffs and was reminded of how much i worship the original BAD NEWS BEARS.
It's a brilliant masterpiece of 70's cinema and a pitch-perfect (pun intended) example of the comedic wonder that is failure...

then i also started thinking about how ROCKY is also total genius and how I can't wait for Stallone's new flick (starring a bunch of washed up action stars)...

so close, yet so far...

short list of tiny grievances

here's a list of some minor pet peeves that are irking me at the moment (and believe me, i know there are two wars quietly raging on on and a giant oil spill and poverty to worry about... the below are trivial but irksome none-the-less):

1. people who leave voicemails. just text me. or don't leave a message. i saw that
you called. i'll call you back.
2. people who walk in groups and take up the whole sidewalk and are oblivious to anyone else trying to pass (errrgh)
3. women who always ask for lemon with their tap water at restaurants (granted, sometimes i am one of these women but i try and keep it in moderation)
4. independent filmmakers who are always self promoting their crappy films by being on a panel or just crappy independent films in general- especially ones about melancholy relationships and the "ups and downs" of sisterhood or couplehood or any kind of 'hood'
5. people with little to no sense of humor. get over yourselves
6. the superintendent next door to my apartment that never stops hosing down the sidewalk when people walk by and/or covers the entire sidewalk with garbage ever time he deals with the garbage area
7. aggressive bicyclists that feel the need to scold pedestrians either on bridges ("your walking on the wrong side!") or on the street ("get out of the bike lane!"). newsflash- you fuckers break the rules all the time, i.e. traffic lights, stop signs, etc. get over yourselves

ok. that about does it for now. what makes you frown? feel free to vent along with me.

i started trashing places in my neighborhood on yelp

check out my reviews... if you dare:

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=TZObdqtrZ3G9pI8LNQbvlw

i'm probably going to hate this movie

but i'm kind of excited about it none the less



it doesn't come out until december so anticipation will have plenty of time to mount. maybe i'll re-visit the critically demolished marie antoinette in the meantime.



ah sofia. the master painter of cinematic frivolity. i do appreciate your voice and love to hate you.

i like saying "no" in a professional manner

as a part-time waitress i often encounter demanding, entitled douches who insist on sucking the life out of me for the fair price of a 15% gratuity. sometimes 10%. rarely do i get the chance to stand up to these soul suckers and usually have to swallow my pride.
thus, you can imagine my delight when the opportunity arose the other day to politely decline a request.
a couple of super twats sat at one of my tables during the dinner rush and proceeded to order one 8 dollar dessert and two waters. fine. you're cheap and have a sweet tooth. whatever.
THEN, after the order was in, the dude asks me for bread and butter. really?
that's where the "no, sorry" came in. our amazingly delicious bread and french-style vermont butter is for people actually ordering food. who are you? eat your profiteroles and stop whining.
in honor of this moment i am celebrating with this superb music video by ariel pink: